Simple Questions

There's no question that I'm an anxious person.  It's one of those things that sort of crept up on me and slowly eased it's way into my comfortable life.  Sometimes I can do a fairly good job and fake it till I make it as my sister once instructed me to do.  Other times, like many others, I get plagued by the dreaded "what if's?"  Don't lie, you know what I'm talking about.  What if something bad happens?  What if I get lost?  What if I feel sick?  What if I forget what I'm supposed to say?  On and on and on...I bet you can imagine the countless what if questions that have flooded my mind these last couple of days as I prepare for my little trip to the Congo.

As I sit here, finally all packed and panicked, I can't help but reflect on the last couple of weeks.  It's been quite the whirlwind of events.  I finished my three month - which turned into a year long - contract in TN, moved out of my apartment (why oh why do I always acquire so much stuff), enjoyed a family vacation at the beach, caught up with friends and family.  I squeezed in a couple extra immunizations, enjoyed a handful of family dinners, and had lots of conversations.

The simple conversation I had with my 4 1/2 year old nephew, Alex, is the one that just hit me.  It's what I keep going back to when I have my "OH SHIT" moments and start feeling overwhelmed.  It went something like this:

Alex and I were just hanging out playing around on my phone looking at and taking silly pictures.  Then we came across a picture of the Africa Mercy.
Me: Hey look, this is the big boat that I'm going to go on with my friend Laura.
Alex: Why?
Me: I'm going to help people who are sick.
Alex: Why?
Me: Because I'm a nurse - you know how you go to the doctor when you don't feel good and the nurse helps take care of you.
Alex: Oh yeah.
Me: That's what I do.
Alex: Why?
Me: Because I like to try and help people feel better.  Do you think I'll see Jake (the pirate)?
Alex chuckles: I don't know...

We laughed a little bit and took a few more silly pictures and then joined the rest of my family in the other room.  I didn't really think much of it at the time, but the endless "why" questions that sweet little boy asked might as well have been served with a piece of humble pie.  That little chat keeps getting replayed in my mind.  It's the down and dirty reason why I'm going on this trip in the first place.  And as long as I keep it simple, then I guess there is really no reason to feel overwhelmed.  If I can turn the what if's into why's, they will become the because I can's, and then I bet things will play out just the way they are supposed to.

Here's a random side note: I'm not a die hard horoscope reader - but I do enjoy taking a peek every now and then.  This was mine for today - fitting if I do say so myself...

It seems as if everything at work is about to change and you aren't sure how to prioritize your goals today. It may feel as if you're on a roller coaster ride; you're exhilarated one moment and craving stability the next. But attempts to end the uncertainty will only lead to higher anxiety. Stop resisting that which you cannot control. Thankfully, your path straightens out over the next few days, bringing more structure to your life and paving the way to your future.

 

Congo - here I come...