I Spy

A couple of weeks ago I found a picture that was taken back in August shortly after the ship arrived in Congo.  It is an aerial view of some of the crew that has been serving onboard the Africa Mercy.  I printed a copy and sent it home to my nephews along with a short list of things to "spy" in the picture.  I thought it was a fun way to share another part of my life away from home.  Creating the list of people and objects to find was actually a little more difficult than I had originally imagined it to be.  I found myself scrutinizing every aspect of the picture to find something that stuck out or was different.  After a while I actually had a couple of friends take a look, thinking another pair of eyes could surely detect something - it's all about perspective...

The other night a few friends and I went for a little drive to the beach to get away from the port life.  As we were cruising through the city with the country music blasting from our ipod, we caught a gorgeous glimpse of the sunset.  One of the girls said in awe, "The sun is huge!"  As we were distracted by the picturesque landscape, my friend Josh said, "It's only ever as big as your thumbnail."  Of course we all promptly experimented and put our thumbs in the air to see if he was right.  I couldn't help but chuckle to myself in the backseat, where I was able to block the sun with a simple thumbs up.  I continued to take in my surroundings and with the music in the background I realized that the half finished buildings, the dirt roads, and the curbside fires that we were passing were actually places of shelter where families come together, paths that lead to loving homes, and fires that help fuel delicious meals - it's all about perspective...

 

 

Every day we are showered with amazing views, unfortunately we don't always take the time to appreciate them.  Today I decided to take my own advice and play a little game of I SPY...I wanted to share with you the things I get to see everyday. 

FAITH

 

HOPE 

 

 

 

 

COMFORT

  

 

PATIENCE 

 

 

 

COURAGE
 

    

 

DEDICATION 

 

 

 

JOY 

 

 

 

HEALING   

 

 

 

 COMMUNITY
 

 

  

 

INNOCENCE 

 

  

  

 

LOVE 

 

 

 

 

MIRACLES
 

 

 

CURIOSITY 

 

 

 

 

FRIENDSHIPS 

 

 

 

LAUGHTER 

 

  

NEW FOUND CONFIDENCE 

 

 

 

BEAUTY 

 

 

  

 

UNDENIABLE STRENGTH 

 

  

 

Every day we are showered with amazing views - so tell me, what do you see, what's your perspective?

 

 

Photo Credit: Africa Mercy Communications Team

 

Thanksgiving in February

The other night I was working my last night shift of my little four day stretch in D Ward.  It was a little after 2am and the majority of patients were sleeping soundly, a couple still a bit restless trying to find a comfortable position in such an unfamiliar environment.  The humming of the generators mixed with the old man snoring that snuck out of the 16 year old boy filled the air and provided the white noise some require to get a good night’s rest.  My work was all caught up - charts were checked, medications were given, my patients were comfortable. 

As I sat down in the chair beside one of the day workers/translators, I noticed him eyeing my kindle fire I had placed on the desk.  I had taken it out of my bag just minutes before as I was looking forward to reading a few pages of Jodi Picoult's, Lone Wolf, while the early morning crept by.  Before I could get engrossed in the story, however, I was asked, "Hey Karyn, is that a tablet?" "Sure is, it's a kindle fire - sort of like an ipad, but it was a little smaller and a lot cheaper.  I bought it a little over a year ago and said it was a birthday/Christmas present for myself."  He let out a little chuckle, recognizing my feeble attempts at justifying my purchase.  We chatted a little bit about some of the features - some of the books I had downloaded, games I could play, movies I could watch, internet I had access to.  He agreed that it was definitely a luxury to have, and especially convenient while living on a ship.  He looked up and said, "How much was it?"  I told him, without really blinking - because remember, it was cheaper than the ipad.  It was his reaction, however, that got me.  I tried to tell myself that everything is relative and dependent on circumstances...it is, isn't it?  Of course I wasn't bragging to him or flaunting my fancy piece of technology, but I still suddenly felt uncomfortable.  I was embarrassed.

Was I embarrassed that I paid so much on a material purchase?  Was I embarrassed that I had the money to buy it without much debate?  But I had a job that paid well enough so I could buy such a "toy," should I feel bad about spending my earned money?  Was it wrong to have a sense of joy in material things such as my kindle?  I couldn't quite figure out what it was exactly that shook me, but I definitely wasn't a fan of the way I was feeling.  I was conveniently called to one of my patients' bedsides just before I had to continue to fill the air with conversation.  The morning swept over us and before I knew it the shift was over, no more talk of the kindle. 

I made my way to bed but was a bit disappointed when I realized I still had that nagging uneasy feeling.  I decided to chalk it up to my night shift delirium and thought a little shut eye would be the cure.  Much to my dismay, I woke up just the same.  Once I navigated through my initial blurry/unorganized/just woke up state of mind, I did a little soul searching and had a bit of an ah-ha moment. 

One of the surgeons that was volunteering on the ship a couple months back did a few talks on a variety of subjects.  One of the discussions was about our $1 joys.  It's only human to remember, fantasize about, and look forward to the great joys of life.  You know them well - the new jobs, milestone birthdays, graduations, weddings, new purchases.  All of these are, undoubtedly exciting times in our lives, deserving of special places in our hearts and minds.  But what about our $1 joys?  What about the so-called everyday happenings that bring smiles to our faces or generate a belly laugh?   

As I sat there evaluating and judging myself, I decided it was a good time to think about a few of my $1 joys...

The luxury of walking about 100 steps to a dining room where food is being served every day - food that I don't have to cook.
The girlish giggle from an unexpected tickle I gave to a little boy who had his jaw wired shut for months but who now can't seem to keep it shut.
The picture my sister sent of my nephews - I had fallen asleep as it was downloading (the joys of ship internet speed) and woke up to check the time on my phone but was instead greeted with their beautiful faces.
Scrolling through my music and being able to sing along word for word to a song I haven't heard in years.
Chowing down on Chocolate Teddy Grahams that were sent from home - and proudly sharing their goodness with my friends.
The high five I so excitedly did after the patient gave me a finger wag to tell me she had no pain (the first time in days).
The patient, with her face morphed into something that can't be explained, pretending to pluck my nose off my face and place it on hers and then joyfully holding up two fingers to signify the fact that she's going back to the OR in two days for yet another surgery to help reconstruct her face.
Relishing in the sound of a freshly opened can of Coke - it truly is delightful. 

I realized I was embarrassed, not because of the kindle or the money I was able to use to buy it, but because I was using it as a source of my joy.  I had forgotten to appreciate the everyday blessings.  The ones that often seem so mundane but are actually the fuel that gets us through the day.  Let me never forget the true value of my $1 joys.

Unexpected Dream

I've been having a difficult time trying to decide what to share with you next.  What part of my ordinary life should I allow to be exposed?  How vulnerable to your thoughts should I be?  Are the everyday happenings in my life even intriguing to you?  Because that is exactly what they are, everyday ordinary events.  It just so happens I'm living on a ship in Africa.  It's no better or worse than the experiences you are having, just different. 

So, would you like to hear about the dusty streets lined with food carts selling anything from eggs and loaves of bread, to mangos, bananas, and nuts?  Do you want to learn about the Congolese culture - the art of hailing a taxi with a kissing noise or people dancing with this innate sense of rhythm.  Should I share with you the unnerving way the health care system works or discuss how many people don't even receive care?

Should I tell you about the heart wrenching patient that slipped away a couple weeks before Christmas?  How for days the staff worked tirelessly to provide comfort and prayed relentlessly for peace within her family.  Do you want to know the internal struggle I faced, being on a ship full of hope but having a heart that was pleading for a quality of life for the child? It feels almost unfair for me to let you into my world of human doubt and question. 

What about the holiday season on board the Africa Mercy?  Would you like to hear about the number of traditions that were celebrated in an attempt to bring a piece of home to the crew who stayed on the ship?  Countless activities filled the days leading up to Christmas, serving as welcomed distractions to celebrating on a ship halfway across the world.  The cabin doors were decorated, the dining room filled with Christmas trees and snowflakes lined the hallways.  Despite the hot and humid weather a Northeastern United States dweller, such as myself, is NOT used to - I have to admit, it did begin to feel a bit like Christmas.  The Advent season was celebrated so openly as the crew came together each week for service.  The children from the academy performed a play that spoke of the birth of Jesus.  A portion of the Nutcracker was performed by a group of elegantly graceful dancers.  A winter wonderland invaded the ship as Christmas crafts were created and treats and desserts were shared over lovely conversations.  The Dutch crew members excitedly shared their Sinterklaas tradition while the Scandinavian crew delicately led us in singing as we celebrated Santa Lucia.  The Aussie's spread the Christmas cheer as they helped create a beautiful Carols by Candlelight out on the dock - shared by crew members and patients.

Although I wasn't able to devour countless pieces of my mom's pepperoni bread or dig into my dad's carefully made antipasto, I had the blessing of spending time with my ship family.  On Christmas Eve-Eve (yes you read it correctly), four of my friends and I piled into a land rover, rolled the windows down, and blasted country music from our ipods.  We sped through the city as the sun slowly dipped lower and the stars began to reveal themselves.  We ended up sinking our toes into the glowing sand as we watched the waves roll in and screamed like little girls when the water unexpectedly crashed over our feet as if we've never been wet before.  Reflective conversations gently interrupted our own thoughts, as we shared our amazement of being in Africa - an unknown dream even just a year ago.  Each of us was lost in our memories of home and our families celebrating traditions without us, but somehow I found peace on that moonlit beach.  Despite my longing for home, I felt satisfied and safe.  Feelings of insecurity and fear, anxiety about my unknown future and fears of not living up to expectations were somehow smothered.  They were overtaken by the easy conversation and sincere encouragement from my friends.  The unexpected feeling of being right where we were meant to be.

Christmas Eve I found my way to a wonderful Christmas Vigil down the street from the ship.  Even if I wasn't sitting beside my family in the pew, I found comfort knowing that they would be hearing the same readings in just a few hours.  After mass, I got back on board just in time for the Christmas Eve celebration with the crew.  There's something to be said about a room full of individuals from around the world coming together to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas.  It was quite special to hear Silent Night sung in French, Swedish, Dutch, Spanish, Norwegian, German, and English.  It was another "only happens here" kind of moment.

Waking up on Christmas morning to a shoe full of cards and goodies was a new tradition I was more than happy to take part in.  After a few friends and I read through every cherished card we slowly got ready for the day.  The dining room staff had prepared a fabulous brunch - it was quite the feast actually.  A time in which people could enjoy great conversation over an amazing meal.  Following brunch, a few of us went to the nearby orphanage for a little Christmas party with the children.  It was a day well spent - sharing the excitement of the younger children as they filled their arms with gifts and laughing with the older children while using our broken English and French aided by multiple hand gestures.  The appreciation and joy that covered the face of "Mama Pascaline" as she carefully unwrapped, examined, and kissed each gift was something I will never forget.

So although I missed out on my niece and nephews tearing through Christmas wrapping paper and the delicious smells emanating from the Palomba kitchen, I was showered with love from selfless friends.  Sure, I missed out on spending time with my family chatting it up around the dinner table but I was blessed with pancakes with my ship family the morning after our land rover joyride and was humbly present at our orphanage celebration.  I am continuously reminded that I am right where I need to be.

Life's A Dance, You Learn As You Go

I didn’t have too many expectations prior to coming to the coast of West Africa.  I had some ideas of what I hoped the experience would be like, but like everything else in life we are never the ones in control.  All I really knew was that I was going to be ridiculously far from home, far from comforting voices and far from familiar surroundings.  My friend Laura and I were taking the plunge together, so that definitely eased some of the anxiety.  I knew that I was going to be reminded of my college life – living with roommates, eating in a community dining room, and sharing small spaces.  I knew I was going to meet people from various countries and take care of patients who needed an extra hand.  I knew I was going to be volunteering on the ship for three months, not a day longer. 

Well my friends, looks like the joke is on me.  It turns out that just under three months on this vessel wasn’t enough.  I have graciously been given the opportunity to extend my time on Mercy Ships until April.  I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I’m writing this post floating in the still waters of the dock in Africa instead of in the comfort of my home.  A couple weeks ago it hit me smack in the face as I tried unsuccessfully to keep the salty puddles of water from flowing as Laura and Helena climbed into the land rover on the way to the airport without me.  Please don’t misunderstand me, I am elated to be able to stay longer, but that doesn’t lessen the twinge of holycowwhatamidoing that comes crashing in like the waves.  Some days I take those waves like a champ and stand my ground, other days it seems as though I get knocked around and lose my footing for a bit. 

In my defense, how can I not expect to get a little banged up when I realize that not only was I on board for my birthday but also my favorite holiday ever – THANKSGIVING…and then why not add Christmas to the list.  It’s so easy to wallow, and sometimes I’m pretty darn good at it.  Thankfully however, the amazing individuals that I’ve met these last few months, the ones I am beyond proud to call my friends, are right there for me…every time.  That’s definitely one of the things I had not expected to find when I began this life altering journey.

The overwhelming Birthday Love that was poured out for me

 

Africa Mercy Thanksgiving

 

I decided to volunteer on this ship because I wanted to use my nursing skills to help people in a land that I knew nothing about.  I wanted to share my love of nursing with those around me; I wanted to try to make a difference in the life of another.  I knew the experiences I’d have would be unforgettable and would have an impact on me, but I did not expect to have my own world rocked.  I didn’t know I was going to be a stripped version of myself, comfortably vulnerable in the presence of these amazingly supportive individuals.  I didn’t expect to be inspired by the ones I interact with every day. 

 

When people ask me what made me want to stay I surprised even myself when I blurted out, “Well, I just don’t feel like I’m quite finished here yet.”  As I said it, I didn’t even completely know what I meant.  I still don’t know what I expect to happen in the future months that will make me feel finished, or more ready, but I’m excited.  I’m excited to continue to deepen my faith and take more of an active role in my relationship with God.  I’m excited to open my heart to new faces, as they have to me.  I’m excited to continue to grow into the woman I was meant to be.

I had the sad realization when Laura left that it was just the beginning of the dreaded goodbyes.  And as I gear myself up for future departures, I have decided to stand firm in the belief that they are really just simple “See ya later’s.”  And besides, a difficult goodbye is only proof that an amazing friendship had developed. 

 

 

Smiles All Around

I've taken a bit of a blog hiatus but I think I'm getting back on track...there's so much to share so I think I'm just going to stick with pictures again.

 

These are the amazing children at the orphanage that I get the privilege to visit on the Saturday mornings that I'm not working.  The sense of community among the children is simply wonderful to be around.  I can only hope that I'm able to show them the same joy that they fill my own heart with.

 

 

 

 

Beautiful Faces.  Beautiful Smiles.  Beautiful People.

 

 

 

 Always time for fun and games...

 

 

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

I'll be the first to admit, I'm not the greatest at getting myself off the ship and exploring the area.  Thankfully I have great friends that give me that extra little push onto land when it is much needed.  Here are a few recent adventures - times shared with amazing people here in faraway Congoland...

It's just under a mile from the ship to the entrance of the port, and we all know I enjoy walking just about as much as I enjoy drinking water.  I know it sounds terrible, but embarrassingly enough it's true.  So when one of my friends suggested a bike ride I was totally game.  To me, there is no better way to see an area than to hop on a bike and cruise around...well maybe it's second to driving around in my Jeep with the top down but that will have to wait a little longer. 

After finding four kind souls to lend us their bikes, we were on our way.  I believe I stated that it's an adventure in itself walking the streets of Pointe-Noire due to the crazy traffic, well I think biking is pretty close to an extreme sport.  The random potholes and uneven ground mixed with ridiculously large railroad tracks (I don't know how the trains don't derail) and sand that I swear tries to swallow bike tires whole, makes for quite an interesting bike ride.  Now throw in the no-rules-apply driving; do you believe me when I say it was a miracle we all made it back to the ship in one piece? 

 

Why not help a taxi driver change his tire - at least we were able to provide a buffer so the cars whizzing by didn't run into him.

 

After navigating around town, we found our way to the nearby Atlantic Palace Hotel.  This is a little piece of paradise within the invisible walls of Pointe-Noire.  We walked inside and were immediately welcomed with air conditioning, fancy light fixtures, and smiling faces.  They took one look at the four of us - white, sweaty, and winded - and asked, "Mercy Ships?"  We smiled, nodded, and showed our badges.  We were then kindly escorted outside to the pool area.  It was heavenly - there was even green grass!

 

 

Once we had our fill of paradise, we reluctantly dragged ourselves away from the pool.  While we were soaking in the sun, we allowed ourselves to forget about our bikes that were chained to a nearby pole.  As soon as our feet hit the streets, we each said a silent prayer that our bikes would still be where we left them... 

They were there!

It was a great little outing - thanks guys!

 
A couple weeks ago it was actually somewhat quiet onboard.  It was a three day weekend, so aside from the hospital staff and few other Mercy Ship volunteers, many people were able to take advantage of the time off and get away.  I wasn't brave enough for a weekend trip, but I did manage to make a little day trip with a group of friends to the nearby Kouilou-Niari River. 

Hmmm...

Nine of us piled into one of the land rovers and made our way just past the gorge to the river; a few other groups had made the trip during the weeks prior so despite this sad looking map, we did actually have a bit of direction. 

Once we reached our destination we quickly were reminded that we were still in Africa.  Apparently some lines had gotten crossed and there were actually three groups of people waiting for their "reserved" river trip.  After a bit of confusion by our guides, we were eventually instructed to hop into the boat. 

Now when I say boat, I can guarantee that you do not have an accurate vision...It was a giant hallowed out canoe with nine plastic lawn chairs lined up, topped off with a motor attached to the back of the floating vessel.  It was a sight. 

 

 

The day turned out very well - I had my first taste of sugarcane, which was actually delicious - once you gnaw past the hard exterior, we motored by various mini villages along the riverbanks, and we even got a glimpse of a chimp hanging out in the wooded area near the reserve. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lots of smiles shared with a great group of friends.