Unexpected Dream

I've been having a difficult time trying to decide what to share with you next.  What part of my ordinary life should I allow to be exposed?  How vulnerable to your thoughts should I be?  Are the everyday happenings in my life even intriguing to you?  Because that is exactly what they are, everyday ordinary events.  It just so happens I'm living on a ship in Africa.  It's no better or worse than the experiences you are having, just different. 

So, would you like to hear about the dusty streets lined with food carts selling anything from eggs and loaves of bread, to mangos, bananas, and nuts?  Do you want to learn about the Congolese culture - the art of hailing a taxi with a kissing noise or people dancing with this innate sense of rhythm.  Should I share with you the unnerving way the health care system works or discuss how many people don't even receive care?

Should I tell you about the heart wrenching patient that slipped away a couple weeks before Christmas?  How for days the staff worked tirelessly to provide comfort and prayed relentlessly for peace within her family.  Do you want to know the internal struggle I faced, being on a ship full of hope but having a heart that was pleading for a quality of life for the child? It feels almost unfair for me to let you into my world of human doubt and question. 

What about the holiday season on board the Africa Mercy?  Would you like to hear about the number of traditions that were celebrated in an attempt to bring a piece of home to the crew who stayed on the ship?  Countless activities filled the days leading up to Christmas, serving as welcomed distractions to celebrating on a ship halfway across the world.  The cabin doors were decorated, the dining room filled with Christmas trees and snowflakes lined the hallways.  Despite the hot and humid weather a Northeastern United States dweller, such as myself, is NOT used to - I have to admit, it did begin to feel a bit like Christmas.  The Advent season was celebrated so openly as the crew came together each week for service.  The children from the academy performed a play that spoke of the birth of Jesus.  A portion of the Nutcracker was performed by a group of elegantly graceful dancers.  A winter wonderland invaded the ship as Christmas crafts were created and treats and desserts were shared over lovely conversations.  The Dutch crew members excitedly shared their Sinterklaas tradition while the Scandinavian crew delicately led us in singing as we celebrated Santa Lucia.  The Aussie's spread the Christmas cheer as they helped create a beautiful Carols by Candlelight out on the dock - shared by crew members and patients.

Although I wasn't able to devour countless pieces of my mom's pepperoni bread or dig into my dad's carefully made antipasto, I had the blessing of spending time with my ship family.  On Christmas Eve-Eve (yes you read it correctly), four of my friends and I piled into a land rover, rolled the windows down, and blasted country music from our ipods.  We sped through the city as the sun slowly dipped lower and the stars began to reveal themselves.  We ended up sinking our toes into the glowing sand as we watched the waves roll in and screamed like little girls when the water unexpectedly crashed over our feet as if we've never been wet before.  Reflective conversations gently interrupted our own thoughts, as we shared our amazement of being in Africa - an unknown dream even just a year ago.  Each of us was lost in our memories of home and our families celebrating traditions without us, but somehow I found peace on that moonlit beach.  Despite my longing for home, I felt satisfied and safe.  Feelings of insecurity and fear, anxiety about my unknown future and fears of not living up to expectations were somehow smothered.  They were overtaken by the easy conversation and sincere encouragement from my friends.  The unexpected feeling of being right where we were meant to be.

Christmas Eve I found my way to a wonderful Christmas Vigil down the street from the ship.  Even if I wasn't sitting beside my family in the pew, I found comfort knowing that they would be hearing the same readings in just a few hours.  After mass, I got back on board just in time for the Christmas Eve celebration with the crew.  There's something to be said about a room full of individuals from around the world coming together to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas.  It was quite special to hear Silent Night sung in French, Swedish, Dutch, Spanish, Norwegian, German, and English.  It was another "only happens here" kind of moment.

Waking up on Christmas morning to a shoe full of cards and goodies was a new tradition I was more than happy to take part in.  After a few friends and I read through every cherished card we slowly got ready for the day.  The dining room staff had prepared a fabulous brunch - it was quite the feast actually.  A time in which people could enjoy great conversation over an amazing meal.  Following brunch, a few of us went to the nearby orphanage for a little Christmas party with the children.  It was a day well spent - sharing the excitement of the younger children as they filled their arms with gifts and laughing with the older children while using our broken English and French aided by multiple hand gestures.  The appreciation and joy that covered the face of "Mama Pascaline" as she carefully unwrapped, examined, and kissed each gift was something I will never forget.

So although I missed out on my niece and nephews tearing through Christmas wrapping paper and the delicious smells emanating from the Palomba kitchen, I was showered with love from selfless friends.  Sure, I missed out on spending time with my family chatting it up around the dinner table but I was blessed with pancakes with my ship family the morning after our land rover joyride and was humbly present at our orphanage celebration.  I am continuously reminded that I am right where I need to be.

Life's A Dance, You Learn As You Go

I didn’t have too many expectations prior to coming to the coast of West Africa.  I had some ideas of what I hoped the experience would be like, but like everything else in life we are never the ones in control.  All I really knew was that I was going to be ridiculously far from home, far from comforting voices and far from familiar surroundings.  My friend Laura and I were taking the plunge together, so that definitely eased some of the anxiety.  I knew that I was going to be reminded of my college life – living with roommates, eating in a community dining room, and sharing small spaces.  I knew I was going to meet people from various countries and take care of patients who needed an extra hand.  I knew I was going to be volunteering on the ship for three months, not a day longer. 

Well my friends, looks like the joke is on me.  It turns out that just under three months on this vessel wasn’t enough.  I have graciously been given the opportunity to extend my time on Mercy Ships until April.  I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I’m writing this post floating in the still waters of the dock in Africa instead of in the comfort of my home.  A couple weeks ago it hit me smack in the face as I tried unsuccessfully to keep the salty puddles of water from flowing as Laura and Helena climbed into the land rover on the way to the airport without me.  Please don’t misunderstand me, I am elated to be able to stay longer, but that doesn’t lessen the twinge of holycowwhatamidoing that comes crashing in like the waves.  Some days I take those waves like a champ and stand my ground, other days it seems as though I get knocked around and lose my footing for a bit. 

In my defense, how can I not expect to get a little banged up when I realize that not only was I on board for my birthday but also my favorite holiday ever – THANKSGIVING…and then why not add Christmas to the list.  It’s so easy to wallow, and sometimes I’m pretty darn good at it.  Thankfully however, the amazing individuals that I’ve met these last few months, the ones I am beyond proud to call my friends, are right there for me…every time.  That’s definitely one of the things I had not expected to find when I began this life altering journey.

The overwhelming Birthday Love that was poured out for me

 

Africa Mercy Thanksgiving

 

I decided to volunteer on this ship because I wanted to use my nursing skills to help people in a land that I knew nothing about.  I wanted to share my love of nursing with those around me; I wanted to try to make a difference in the life of another.  I knew the experiences I’d have would be unforgettable and would have an impact on me, but I did not expect to have my own world rocked.  I didn’t know I was going to be a stripped version of myself, comfortably vulnerable in the presence of these amazingly supportive individuals.  I didn’t expect to be inspired by the ones I interact with every day. 

 

When people ask me what made me want to stay I surprised even myself when I blurted out, “Well, I just don’t feel like I’m quite finished here yet.”  As I said it, I didn’t even completely know what I meant.  I still don’t know what I expect to happen in the future months that will make me feel finished, or more ready, but I’m excited.  I’m excited to continue to deepen my faith and take more of an active role in my relationship with God.  I’m excited to open my heart to new faces, as they have to me.  I’m excited to continue to grow into the woman I was meant to be.

I had the sad realization when Laura left that it was just the beginning of the dreaded goodbyes.  And as I gear myself up for future departures, I have decided to stand firm in the belief that they are really just simple “See ya later’s.”  And besides, a difficult goodbye is only proof that an amazing friendship had developed. 

 

 

Smiles All Around

I've taken a bit of a blog hiatus but I think I'm getting back on track...there's so much to share so I think I'm just going to stick with pictures again.

 

These are the amazing children at the orphanage that I get the privilege to visit on the Saturday mornings that I'm not working.  The sense of community among the children is simply wonderful to be around.  I can only hope that I'm able to show them the same joy that they fill my own heart with.

 

 

 

 

Beautiful Faces.  Beautiful Smiles.  Beautiful People.

 

 

 

 Always time for fun and games...

 

 

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

I'll be the first to admit, I'm not the greatest at getting myself off the ship and exploring the area.  Thankfully I have great friends that give me that extra little push onto land when it is much needed.  Here are a few recent adventures - times shared with amazing people here in faraway Congoland...

It's just under a mile from the ship to the entrance of the port, and we all know I enjoy walking just about as much as I enjoy drinking water.  I know it sounds terrible, but embarrassingly enough it's true.  So when one of my friends suggested a bike ride I was totally game.  To me, there is no better way to see an area than to hop on a bike and cruise around...well maybe it's second to driving around in my Jeep with the top down but that will have to wait a little longer. 

After finding four kind souls to lend us their bikes, we were on our way.  I believe I stated that it's an adventure in itself walking the streets of Pointe-Noire due to the crazy traffic, well I think biking is pretty close to an extreme sport.  The random potholes and uneven ground mixed with ridiculously large railroad tracks (I don't know how the trains don't derail) and sand that I swear tries to swallow bike tires whole, makes for quite an interesting bike ride.  Now throw in the no-rules-apply driving; do you believe me when I say it was a miracle we all made it back to the ship in one piece? 

 

Why not help a taxi driver change his tire - at least we were able to provide a buffer so the cars whizzing by didn't run into him.

 

After navigating around town, we found our way to the nearby Atlantic Palace Hotel.  This is a little piece of paradise within the invisible walls of Pointe-Noire.  We walked inside and were immediately welcomed with air conditioning, fancy light fixtures, and smiling faces.  They took one look at the four of us - white, sweaty, and winded - and asked, "Mercy Ships?"  We smiled, nodded, and showed our badges.  We were then kindly escorted outside to the pool area.  It was heavenly - there was even green grass!

 

 

Once we had our fill of paradise, we reluctantly dragged ourselves away from the pool.  While we were soaking in the sun, we allowed ourselves to forget about our bikes that were chained to a nearby pole.  As soon as our feet hit the streets, we each said a silent prayer that our bikes would still be where we left them... 

They were there!

It was a great little outing - thanks guys!

 
A couple weeks ago it was actually somewhat quiet onboard.  It was a three day weekend, so aside from the hospital staff and few other Mercy Ship volunteers, many people were able to take advantage of the time off and get away.  I wasn't brave enough for a weekend trip, but I did manage to make a little day trip with a group of friends to the nearby Kouilou-Niari River. 

Hmmm...

Nine of us piled into one of the land rovers and made our way just past the gorge to the river; a few other groups had made the trip during the weeks prior so despite this sad looking map, we did actually have a bit of direction. 

Once we reached our destination we quickly were reminded that we were still in Africa.  Apparently some lines had gotten crossed and there were actually three groups of people waiting for their "reserved" river trip.  After a bit of confusion by our guides, we were eventually instructed to hop into the boat. 

Now when I say boat, I can guarantee that you do not have an accurate vision...It was a giant hallowed out canoe with nine plastic lawn chairs lined up, topped off with a motor attached to the back of the floating vessel.  It was a sight. 

 

 

The day turned out very well - I had my first taste of sugarcane, which was actually delicious - once you gnaw past the hard exterior, we motored by various mini villages along the riverbanks, and we even got a glimpse of a chimp hanging out in the wooded area near the reserve. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lots of smiles shared with a great group of friends.

Transformation

One of the more difficult parts about working in a PICU is the lack of visual progression we, as nurses, see in our patients.  Of course when children are on the brink of disaster, I'm amazed that I can be a part of their healing process, but I seldom see the child back to their baseline.  When I first come in contact with a patient and their family, it's often one of the worst experiences of their life up to that point.  It's a physical and emotional roller coaster for the patient, their family, and even us - the nurses.

Once a patient becomes a "walkie-talkie" (don't deny it PICU nurses - you know exactly who I'm referring to) or in other words, once they are "healthy" enough to transition down to the floor and out of the intensive care setting, it is very rare that I ever see them again.  Although I never want to see that child laying in a PICU bed again, I often wonder how the child made out after venturing out our doors.  Were they able to sleep through the night on the med-surg floor since I wasn't in their room every hour checking on them?  Did they get that plate of mashed potatoes they were craving when they weren't allowed to eat anything by mouth?  Have they lost that hoarseness that was in their voice from the endotracheal tube?  Did they get to go back in school?  How are their parents doing?

Every now and then a family will make a little visit back to the unit to say hello to the staff and show the child where he or she had been for however long.  Trust me, that quick 5 minute visit means the world to us.  It's the proof, the extra reminder, that there can be happy endings.  It's the best reassurance I can think of that helps me understand that I did in fact make a small difference.  I'm pretty sure every nurse's heart swells when they see a former patient doing well.

Here in Africa, the transformation is almost immediate and wow, it is amazing.  The change the patients go through is nothing like I've been exposed to before.  It's so fun to be a part of their physical and emotional journey - it's almost unreal.  Check these out...

 

Remember that little boy, Emmanoel, the one who had the ridiculous oral tumor?  The one who could barely keep his eyes open because he was working so hard to breathe.  Well, here he is - smiling, laughing, playing - breathing!

 

Ebenezer was the first patient I met on the unit - and he spoke English!  He made an incredibly long faith driven journey to reach Mercy Ships.  He is hanging out at the Hope Center for a few months while he waits for his follow up surgery, but he's doing amazingly well.

 

 

Gracia - just amazing.  She too is awaiting her follow up surgery, but has been healing so well.  Her determination and patience are things that will never be matched.

 

 

Gercia had a rough go-around while in the hospital.  One of my friends figured out the power of a cookie - bribery is definitely an acceptable form of therapy :) 



Vernel - I mean seriously, how can you not love this face?  He was the most joyous six year old I've ever met.
 

  

New Smiles for Everybody!

 

 

 





Alphonse - The Self Proclaimed Professor or "The Boss" of D Ward

 

 

 

Presley - The Artist 

 

 

  Sephora and her Mom - she took me down in Memory :)



 

Donald - the man with the best walking stick ever!

 

 

Yvette - Former Handball Extraordinaire

 

 Thanks to all of you for your support! There are not enough words to express how grateful I am towards you for allowing me to take part in such an incredible experience!